Steve’s picks for 2010
Would you like to know what to expect in the new year 2010 with the burning issues of our time? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Predictions R Us, you all.
And, oh, what a great year we have in store for you. Here are 10 things I expect to see in 2010:
1. Victory in the Global War on Global Warming. Now that the climate-change deniers are out of office, positive measures are finally being enacted to heal our sick planet. The world is becoming safe again for polar bears. Notice what a fine cold winter we’ve been having? Dallas had its first white Christmas in 80 years. See, it’s working!
2. America’s sick health care system is healed. Now that Congress has agreed to pass a health care reform bill, no longer will we have thousands of uninsured Americans dying every minute for lack of health care. We will extend health care coverage to 47 million more Americans while at the same time reducing costs, saving $500 billion in Medicare waste and fraud and reducing the budget deficit, too. Wow! Thank you, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama. And don’t forget Ben Nelson. Xoxoxo!
3. Recovery from the Great Recession and a return to full employment. That’s thanks, of course, to Barack Obama, who has saved and/or created so many millions and millions of new jobs. (Just ask him.) And because of passage of a health care reform bill, which will create untold millions more. Now, I call that the gift that keeps on giving!
4. Victory in the Global War on Ter—er, Man-Caused Disasters. Notice how incidents of terrorism against the United States have so dramatically declined since Barack Obama took office a year ago? (You haven’t? You need to pay more attention.) That’s because, as the Nobel Peace Prize committee recognized, Barack Obama is not George Bush. By projecting an image of weakness, Obama will fool al Qaeda and friends into taking pity on us and laying down their arms. (Or get laughing so hard, they can’t shoot straight.)
5. Barack Obama wins the Heisman Trophy and the Cy Young Award. OK, maybe that’s a stretch. But then who would have thunk a Nobel Peace Prize judging after only 11 days in office? If good intentions are the sole criteria, heck, why not the Pulitzer Prize, the Miss America crown and even the Pillsbury Bake-Off? After all, the important thing is he’s not George Bush. We even hear Obama may be in the running for Archbishop of Canterbury, but that’s probably just one of those rumors…
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