Life and life-givers

You think you’ve got stress? Try dodging bullets for a living.

Concerned about an upsurge in suicides in the past year or two, the Army retained the services of an expert to help devise a response. Dr. Thomas Joiner, a professor of psychology at Florida State University, has done some of the most cutting-edge research on the subject in recent years. Joiner, whose own father committed suicide, has created a new model of behavioral theory that the Army is weighing. It involves three prime components:

1. Loneliness–a sense of isolation.

2. Worthlessness–the feeling of being a burden.

3. Fearlessness–one’s ability to overcome the natural fear of death.

Obviously, No. 3 is integral to being trained for warfare and not optional. So, the Army is looking to ways of combating and reducing the first two. These include building close-knit teams to ensure that soldiers never feel alone and giving troops a sense of purpose that increases their self-worth.

In my presentations I’ve added “Hopelessness” to the list. That’s for us civilians who might not be able to relate to Fearlessness. Not that it doesn’t happen. Joiner and other experts have found that fearlessness increases with age. As one doctor put it, “As people age, they are also more likely to develop (based on various life experiences) the fearlessness which transforms the simple desire for death into a plan for action.”

Work ever harder at maintaining and building your personal network. Seek “close-knit” relationships and activities that give you a sense of purpose.

There are some proactive things we can and must do to avoid some of these emotional pitfalls. And some of them require being very intentional because they’re counter to our natural impulses.
One of them is Resist isolation and relational deprivation. Fight the natural impulse to withdraw. Sometimes that means serving others and thereby increasing your own self-esteem.

Look to see how “the present is perfect.” This is a secular concept I learned in a professional coaching program that has such spiritual implications. The question you need to ask is if God really is in control, why is this situation good for me? Ultimately, every experience for believers is allowed as a means toward conforming our character to the image of Christ. But if you take the time to inquire, you’re likely to get even more specific answers.

I asked God, for example, why I kept getting beaten up in ministry. The answer I got was if you’re going to be a culture warrior, you have to toughen up. Ouch.

Seek out life-givers. Those are people we especially need to pursue relationship with. You’ve heard the saying, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your relatives.?” And have you heard about the person who walks into the room and the lights dim? Choose friendships with people who brighten the room when they enter.

You need that. Choose life–and life-givers.